Drop the cement suitcase––Tools to get unstuck this spring
As the daffodils emerge and the trees blossom, spring brings a fresh start and a clean slate. Why, then, do many parents tell me they feel stuck? They feel trapped in routines, overwhelmed by daily demands, and weighed down by unhelpful thoughts, impossible expectations, and unresolved emotions. To get out of this rut, it helps to understand why we feel stuck and how to unpack the cement suitcase filled with limiting beliefs, resentments, and emotional baggage many of us carry.
Why do we feel stuck?
We get stuck when we don’t process our emotions, we ruminate about the past or future, and our nervous system gets caught in overdrive. Imagine piling your negative thoughts, worry, external pressures, and uncomfortable emotions into a suitcase and then trying to carry it around with you. You wouldn’t get very far. For parents, the pressures of work, family, relationships, and finances can all contribute to feeling weighed down and out of options.
When I became a mom of two, the demands were so intense that I lost myself. Thoughts like “this is so hard” and “I’m not cut out for this,” overwhelmed me. I didn’t have the tools to manage those feelings and thoughts effectively and I spiraled into a stuck state. I felt trapped and overwhelmed.
Here are four tools to help us unpack that cement suitcase:
1. Get out of story and assumptions, and into fact and truth
Do you find yourself going over stories or assumptions when you’re trying to make a decision? If you’re considering a career move, for example, do you talk yourself out of the jobs you come across assuming you are over or underqualified or not sure if it will work with your family’s schedule? Instead, try asking yourself, “What’s true?” Often, the truth is you don’t know all of the facts about the role. In that case, sending in your application is a great first step. Challenging your default thoughts can help you see your situation more clearly and nudge those limiting stories out of the way.
2. Feel your emotions
Imagine your emotions as a river. When we allow them to flow up and through us, our internal channels remain open and clear. When we don’t allow ourselves to feel our feelings, it’s like building a dam that blocks the flow. When an emotion arises, take time to sit with it, journal about it, or simply allow yourself to feel it without judgment. This process can help you get to know yourself and release it. Feelings are energy and they are meant to be processed.
3. Get into the present moment
In the present moment, we can tap into our intuition and make conscious decisions. When you notice yourself ruminating about the past or future, take a moment to breathe deeply, scan your surroundings, and notice the sensations in your body. This is a beautiful practice to do with your children, as they naturally live in the present moment.
4. It’s all in your head
Our thoughts stem from our beliefs and they determine our actions. If you think, “I’m never going to succeed,” challenge that thought with something a bit kinder like, “Right now, I’m facing challenges, but I’m working on finding solutions.” Reframe negative thoughts to shift your mindset and challenge limiting beliefs.
Drop the cement suitcase
To get unstuck, we must let go of emotional baggage. Reflect on what beliefs, thoughts, or actions no longer serve you. Journal, meditate, or talk with a trusted friend to help unpack and lighten your emotional load.
When I was struggling in young motherhood, my chest felt heavy, my breathing was shallow, and negative thoughts were pinging me constantly. I chose a few small things that gave me pleasure and a glimpse into my whole self. Whether it was a cup of hot coffee, or feeling the sun on my face, I embraced those moments and allowed the stuck energy to gently start to fall away.
Tools to get unstuck
Accept yourself: Embrace your current reality, including the challenges. Acceptance doesn’t mean approval but it can create movement and clarity.
Envision your future: Get clear on where you want to be. Visualize your desired future and the emotions associated with it. Start to feel what it will feel like to reach your goals. For example, if you want to feel connected with your partner again, imagine what you will feel like when you do. This can help bring it into reality.
Practice gratitude: Even amidst challenges, finding things to be grateful for can shift your perspective and mood. Look for 3–5 things you are grateful for each day. Gratitude multiplies!
Journal: Take pen to paper to explore and process your thoughts and emotions. When you journal, you allow your unconscious mind to flow up and through, revealing your inner knowings.
Choose empowering thoughts: Focus on thoughts that lift you and guide you toward your goals. When thoughts that don’t help you arise, imagine them floating away on a cloud.
Reflect and reconnect
As we embrace the new beginnings of spring, reflect on where you feel stuck and how you can use these tools to create positive change. By tuning into your emotions, staying present, and choosing empowering thoughts, you can lighten your load and start moving forward with renewed energy and clarity. Like the seasons this too shall change.
Rebecca Fellenbaum is a certified life coach, writer, and Cleveland area mom who helps parents enjoy this time in their lives. You can find her at rebeccafellenbaum.com.
~Photo: Adobe Stock/By DragonImages
Why do we feel stuck?
We get stuck when we don’t process our emotions, we ruminate about the past or future, and our nervous system gets caught in overdrive. Imagine piling your negative thoughts, worry, external pressures, and uncomfortable emotions into a suitcase and then trying to carry it around with you. You wouldn’t get very far. For parents, the pressures of work, family, relationships, and finances can all contribute to feeling weighed down and out of options.
When I became a mom of two, the demands were so intense that I lost myself. Thoughts like “this is so hard” and “I’m not cut out for this,” overwhelmed me. I didn’t have the tools to manage those feelings and thoughts effectively and I spiraled into a stuck state. I felt trapped and overwhelmed.
Here are four tools to help us unpack that cement suitcase:
1. Get out of story and assumptions, and into fact and truth
Do you find yourself going over stories or assumptions when you’re trying to make a decision? If you’re considering a career move, for example, do you talk yourself out of the jobs you come across assuming you are over or underqualified or not sure if it will work with your family’s schedule? Instead, try asking yourself, “What’s true?” Often, the truth is you don’t know all of the facts about the role. In that case, sending in your application is a great first step. Challenging your default thoughts can help you see your situation more clearly and nudge those limiting stories out of the way.
2. Feel your emotions
Imagine your emotions as a river. When we allow them to flow up and through us, our internal channels remain open and clear. When we don’t allow ourselves to feel our feelings, it’s like building a dam that blocks the flow. When an emotion arises, take time to sit with it, journal about it, or simply allow yourself to feel it without judgment. This process can help you get to know yourself and release it. Feelings are energy and they are meant to be processed.
3. Get into the present moment
In the present moment, we can tap into our intuition and make conscious decisions. When you notice yourself ruminating about the past or future, take a moment to breathe deeply, scan your surroundings, and notice the sensations in your body. This is a beautiful practice to do with your children, as they naturally live in the present moment.
4. It’s all in your head
Our thoughts stem from our beliefs and they determine our actions. If you think, “I’m never going to succeed,” challenge that thought with something a bit kinder like, “Right now, I’m facing challenges, but I’m working on finding solutions.” Reframe negative thoughts to shift your mindset and challenge limiting beliefs.
Drop the cement suitcase
To get unstuck, we must let go of emotional baggage. Reflect on what beliefs, thoughts, or actions no longer serve you. Journal, meditate, or talk with a trusted friend to help unpack and lighten your emotional load.
When I was struggling in young motherhood, my chest felt heavy, my breathing was shallow, and negative thoughts were pinging me constantly. I chose a few small things that gave me pleasure and a glimpse into my whole self. Whether it was a cup of hot coffee, or feeling the sun on my face, I embraced those moments and allowed the stuck energy to gently start to fall away.
Tools to get unstuck
Accept yourself: Embrace your current reality, including the challenges. Acceptance doesn’t mean approval but it can create movement and clarity.
Envision your future: Get clear on where you want to be. Visualize your desired future and the emotions associated with it. Start to feel what it will feel like to reach your goals. For example, if you want to feel connected with your partner again, imagine what you will feel like when you do. This can help bring it into reality.
Practice gratitude: Even amidst challenges, finding things to be grateful for can shift your perspective and mood. Look for 3–5 things you are grateful for each day. Gratitude multiplies!
Journal: Take pen to paper to explore and process your thoughts and emotions. When you journal, you allow your unconscious mind to flow up and through, revealing your inner knowings.
Choose empowering thoughts: Focus on thoughts that lift you and guide you toward your goals. When thoughts that don’t help you arise, imagine them floating away on a cloud.
Reflect and reconnect
As we embrace the new beginnings of spring, reflect on where you feel stuck and how you can use these tools to create positive change. By tuning into your emotions, staying present, and choosing empowering thoughts, you can lighten your load and start moving forward with renewed energy and clarity. Like the seasons this too shall change.
Rebecca Fellenbaum is a certified life coach, writer, and Cleveland area mom who helps parents enjoy this time in their lives. You can find her at rebeccafellenbaum.com.
~Photo: Adobe Stock/By DragonImages